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Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic

Trending story found on politics.theonion.com
Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic
MANCHESTER, NH—Plunging into a downward spiral of despair and self-doubt after a poor showing in the Iowa caucuses, a demoralized Jeb Bush reportedly succumbed this week to New Hampshire’s ongoing heroin epidemic. “Unfortunately, Jeb has suffered a number of significant career setbacks and personal humiliations recently, which left him depressed and highly susceptible to the allure of the cheap and widely available heroin in the rural Northeast,” said political analyst James Peek, adding that the former Florida governor began experimenting with the Schedule I narcotic after a string of weak debate performances and a steady decline in his nationwide poll...
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